Time to toss out the bullshit with the bathwater. Harper wasn't kidding. People are already claiming they no longer recognize Canada. Foreign citizens keep asking me "What the fuck happened to Canada"? (grown ups use big words like that around me)
Don't worry my friends! These are the good times. The general idea was we would not recognize Canada when Stephen Harper was done with it. The bad news is: He isn't done yet.
Since foreigners no longer recognize Canada, and Canadians no longer recognize Canada, and Stephen Harper, ideological leader of his own cult of personality, has decked the halls of Parliament with many likenesses of himself and even gone so far as to rename the government of the nation after himself, I say we drop the charade and go with the flow.
Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of Harperstan
I found my first Harperstani flag on the weekend while visiting Canada's birthplace. I know it was once known as Prince Edward Island, although I am reasonably sure the naming rights are for sale as we speak. Now I'm aware the transformation is more complete than I'd originally thought, I've decided patriotism is important in any country where the leader hangs large portraits of himself in public and renames things in his glorious honour.
To show my extreme patriotism, I have taken time to write a new national anthem for Harperstan. Because Harperstan is an austerian country, where all good citizens practice austerity, we will keep the music from the old O Canada, but sing the all new Harperstani words. This works pretty well since most of us really didn't know all the words to the old national anthem either. As long as you can carry the tune (ok not even that), or as long as you think you can, you can sing along with our new national anthem. Feel free to record a video of yourself singing it and share it on YouTube as a tribute to our amazing leader.
(With apologies to the authors/composers of O Canada!)
Our Home is Native Land
We Kicked Them Off
On To a Postage Stamp
With Frozen Hearts
We Just Can't Decide
Should be Free
We Will Take a Bribe
Cash in on Thee
Fraud Keeps our Land
From Being Free
We'll Sell Our Oil For Cheap
We'll sell our oiiiiiiiiiillllll forrrrrrrrrr cheeeeeeeap!
I apologize to my French-speaking friends that I haven't included our other official language in the song, however, I have it on good authority Dear Leader really doesn't give a fiddler's fuck about Frenchmen, as evidenced by his ignoring Quebec flood victims then suggesting they should pay for the cleanup themselves.
Sorry for your luck. Sorry for all of our luck.
Long live Harperstan.